Yesterday -- Sunday -- after Mass, as my Aunt, my best friend, and I were eating lunch at a restaurant, in our conversation, my Aunt revealed something to me that happened in my childhood. My Aunt is not a blood -related Aunt. She and my Mom were best friends when my Mom was alive. In fact, my Aunt new me since I was conceived.
In our conversation, I obviously must have made her think of this particular situation when I was a child because I told her that back in the late 90's (or it might have been in the earlier 2,000's), my now-former neurologist diagnosed me as having mild encephalopathy. After my Aunt asked me what that was, and after I told her, she said that she knew that there was something wrong with me when I was a little girl!! That was definitely a blow to me because I certainly was never expecting to hear from her what she told me about when I was little!! Being that she and my Mom were best friends, she said that she was over at our house a lot. She revealed to me how I used to look and act when I was a child. There was obviously something wrong with me and some of her description I so very vaguely remember. She said that my Mother had often told her about receiving checks. My Mother was a stay-at-home Mom. So, these checks were government checks to me because of whatever the condition was that I had. My Aunt said that I "outgrew" this condition. I never knew anything about receiving checks, and I was too young to know anyway. But, maybe they stopped because I "outgrew" this condition.
However, maybe I really didn't "outgrow" this condition. Just because I "outgrew" the physical appearance doesn't mean that the initial condition still doesn't exist. Obviously, the physical appearance was just like a "side effect" of the real thing. Maybe this condition is the reason why I had so many unusual difficulties all throughout my life and maybe this condition, or it's remnants, are the reason why I am the way that I am today. I know that I am quite immature for my age . . . which is actually probably a very good thing!! But, I'm not like everyone else, and never was, which is probably also a very good thing!!
Whatever this medical condition was, maybe it was somehow connected to the reason as to why I have never been able to do sit-ups. I don't think that my parents knew this, but this was SO HUMILIATING for me all throughout my grade school years -- I don't think they knew of the humiliation. You see, back in grade school, for gym class, my classmates and I occasionally had a time limit to do as many sit-ups as possible and then, at the end, when the gym teacher called our names, we had to tell her, aloud, how many sit-ups we did. I sat there and watched a lot of my classmates do 50, 60, 70, some did 90 or more, sit-ups during the minute or two time limit. And, then there was me who struggled so badly just to try to do one . . . and maybe a couple of times, during all 8 years of grade school, I did do one. But, really, all of the time, I had to say "0". I actually felt more comfortable, and not like such an outcast, when this one girl, who was best friend back then, did only 10 sit-ups. Maybe she did her best, too. Or maybe she intentionally did only that small amount so that I wouldn't feel like such an outcast. I would have been much better off, and spared of humiliation, if I just would've sat out on those sit-ups. And, I would try so hard to do one sit-up, and be unsuccessful at it, that my abdominal muscles hurt for days -- I pulled my muscles just because of that.
Obviously, my gym teacher knew that there was a problem and I think she might have advised my parents as to what to do to try to help me out. And, my Dad said that he and my Mom had me try doing sit-ups at home, but I couldn't do them despite the fact that my Dad showed me how. I remember some of this. But, why didn't my parents try to find out what the problem was?? Why didn't they put me through physical therapy?? Were they concerned enough to realize that this could be the symptom of an underlying problem?? Didn't they want to know why I was that way? I do!! I do now!! My Mom often told me that I would have a hard time having babies because of this. Well . . . it wasn't my fault . . . it wasn't anyone's fault. And, of course now we have C-sections anyway and I never plan to have a child.
But, is this connected to the medical condition that I had when I was really young?? Why didn't my Mother tell me about this?? I understand that she probably wanted me to be as normal as possible. But, I would prefer to have been told about this medical condition because maybe it would answer a lot of my unanswered questions. Was this medical condition the reason why I was teased in grade school?? Was this medical condition the reason why I am the way that I am today (not spiritually speaking, that is)??
My Dad doesn't remember any of this. Maybe this is something my Mother never told him about, though. He worked a lot when I was younger and so maybe he wasn't even aware of some of the stuff about me. Or, maybe he really just did forget because it's been so many years ago.
So, I would like to know what that medical condition was that I had and I have that right to know. I am grateful that my Aunt told me this because maybe this is an answer to many unanswered questions. So, I started my search to find out what that medical condition was. Being that it was bad enough to cause me to be given government checks, I emailed the Social Security Office about this, wanting to know whom I may talk to concerning this. I may in for a long hall. But, that's fine. I deserve to know what that medical condition was and the Social Security Office might be able to find out what caused me to get government checks.
In our conversation, I obviously must have made her think of this particular situation when I was a child because I told her that back in the late 90's (or it might have been in the earlier 2,000's), my now-former neurologist diagnosed me as having mild encephalopathy. After my Aunt asked me what that was, and after I told her, she said that she knew that there was something wrong with me when I was a little girl!! That was definitely a blow to me because I certainly was never expecting to hear from her what she told me about when I was little!! Being that she and my Mom were best friends, she said that she was over at our house a lot. She revealed to me how I used to look and act when I was a child. There was obviously something wrong with me and some of her description I so very vaguely remember. She said that my Mother had often told her about receiving checks. My Mother was a stay-at-home Mom. So, these checks were government checks to me because of whatever the condition was that I had. My Aunt said that I "outgrew" this condition. I never knew anything about receiving checks, and I was too young to know anyway. But, maybe they stopped because I "outgrew" this condition.
However, maybe I really didn't "outgrow" this condition. Just because I "outgrew" the physical appearance doesn't mean that the initial condition still doesn't exist. Obviously, the physical appearance was just like a "side effect" of the real thing. Maybe this condition is the reason why I had so many unusual difficulties all throughout my life and maybe this condition, or it's remnants, are the reason why I am the way that I am today. I know that I am quite immature for my age . . . which is actually probably a very good thing!! But, I'm not like everyone else, and never was, which is probably also a very good thing!!
Whatever this medical condition was, maybe it was somehow connected to the reason as to why I have never been able to do sit-ups. I don't think that my parents knew this, but this was SO HUMILIATING for me all throughout my grade school years -- I don't think they knew of the humiliation. You see, back in grade school, for gym class, my classmates and I occasionally had a time limit to do as many sit-ups as possible and then, at the end, when the gym teacher called our names, we had to tell her, aloud, how many sit-ups we did. I sat there and watched a lot of my classmates do 50, 60, 70, some did 90 or more, sit-ups during the minute or two time limit. And, then there was me who struggled so badly just to try to do one . . . and maybe a couple of times, during all 8 years of grade school, I did do one. But, really, all of the time, I had to say "0". I actually felt more comfortable, and not like such an outcast, when this one girl, who was best friend back then, did only 10 sit-ups. Maybe she did her best, too. Or maybe she intentionally did only that small amount so that I wouldn't feel like such an outcast. I would have been much better off, and spared of humiliation, if I just would've sat out on those sit-ups. And, I would try so hard to do one sit-up, and be unsuccessful at it, that my abdominal muscles hurt for days -- I pulled my muscles just because of that.
Obviously, my gym teacher knew that there was a problem and I think she might have advised my parents as to what to do to try to help me out. And, my Dad said that he and my Mom had me try doing sit-ups at home, but I couldn't do them despite the fact that my Dad showed me how. I remember some of this. But, why didn't my parents try to find out what the problem was?? Why didn't they put me through physical therapy?? Were they concerned enough to realize that this could be the symptom of an underlying problem?? Didn't they want to know why I was that way? I do!! I do now!! My Mom often told me that I would have a hard time having babies because of this. Well . . . it wasn't my fault . . . it wasn't anyone's fault. And, of course now we have C-sections anyway and I never plan to have a child.
But, is this connected to the medical condition that I had when I was really young?? Why didn't my Mother tell me about this?? I understand that she probably wanted me to be as normal as possible. But, I would prefer to have been told about this medical condition because maybe it would answer a lot of my unanswered questions. Was this medical condition the reason why I was teased in grade school?? Was this medical condition the reason why I am the way that I am today (not spiritually speaking, that is)??
My Dad doesn't remember any of this. Maybe this is something my Mother never told him about, though. He worked a lot when I was younger and so maybe he wasn't even aware of some of the stuff about me. Or, maybe he really just did forget because it's been so many years ago.
So, I would like to know what that medical condition was that I had and I have that right to know. I am grateful that my Aunt told me this because maybe this is an answer to many unanswered questions. So, I started my search to find out what that medical condition was. Being that it was bad enough to cause me to be given government checks, I emailed the Social Security Office about this, wanting to know whom I may talk to concerning this. I may in for a long hall. But, that's fine. I deserve to know what that medical condition was and the Social Security Office might be able to find out what caused me to get government checks.
No comments:
Post a Comment